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Wednesday, July 26, 2006

A true story (part deux)...

Back at the upscale bar in downtown Toronto, the mood was dour once again. The Two Lawyers were sad. The Next Big Thing had agreed to run in the next election. But one big problem stood in his way: He couldn’t find a seat in which to run.

You see, the Next Big Thing was insisting on running in the City. Unfortunately, all of the safe seats were already held by members of the Team. This dilemma required some creative thinking.

The Two Lawyers discussed the issue at length. The Next Big Thing could run in his home riding, but that would mean challenging Big Guns for the nomination. Considering Big Guns was a powerful incumbent with a lot of goodwill on the Team, such a circumstance was deemed to be…well, indefensible.

So the Two Lawyers looked for a solution in the Eastern Boroughs of the City. The Eastern Boroughs were, from a political standpoint, as red as they come. Their current representatives were all members of the Team, but none was overly prominent. Sadly, most of them were good organizers, which made a nomination challenge ever more difficult. I say “most of them” because, in fact, the incumbent in the central riding of this area was known to be particularly weak. A safe riding, a weak incumbent…A perfect solution! It was settled: the Two Lawyers decided that their guy would run here, in the central riding of the Eastern Boroughs.

Their plan didn’t work. The Two Lawyers had underestimated the loyalty of the constituents, and were unable to rally the organizational support they needed from the local ethnic communities. To these communities, organizing against one of their own would be an inexcusable offence. And so, it was back to the drawing board once again…

This time, they looked west – all the way west, to the shores of the lake – for a solution. This area was decidedly less safe than the Eastern Boroughs, but at least the incumbent here was open to stepping aside. With a bit of coddling, the Two Lawyers were able to get her to do so. She left humbly, with little fuss or fanfare. The Next Big Thing, of course, could never be humble. At last, he had his riding! Now was his time to make his grand entrance.

And a grand entrance it was! Sure, there was some protest by members of the local association, who were less than thrilled with these outsiders taking over. And sure, the general election itself was more difficult than many thought it would be. But the Next Big Thing survived with his reputation intact and his star power untainted.

The Two Lawyers were as giddy as school girls on election night. The results were in, and they had won! Campaign headquarters was abuzz with anticipation as supporters awaited the Next Big Thing’s arrival. When he did arrive, the place erupted in cheers. The Two Lawyers beamed as their guy made his way inside, gently patting the backs of his campaign workers along the way. They almost cried as his slender frame stood proud and tall on the stage, his arms up high in victory. And when he began to speak firmly and didactically (as had become his style), they were enthralled.

One of the Lawyers turned to a campaign volunteer standing nearby and grabbed his shoulders in excitement. “Can you feel it???” he asked the stunned man, his voice trembling with exhilaration. “I can feel it! Our guy has it! He’s got the royal jelly!”